why hats?

what is it w/ me and my recent craze of hats? i used to never wear hats. hats are terrible. you get hat hair. they blow off when you ride roller coasters. you have to take them off when you change your t-shirt. you take your hat off, change your clothes in a H&M fitting room, try on all your crap, decide you dont like anything you tried on, leave the fitting room (making sure you get all your articles of clothing cause you'll get accused of stealing), leave that H&M, realize you left your hat, go back to the fitting room in a frantic, only to realize some jerk stole it. you went in an H&M, wasted an hour not buying anything, and lost your hat. hats are stress inducing. so why is it that im spending my hard earned dolla bills on multiple hats? well lets go back.

1) it all started with the requirement of a blue article of clothing for missions body worship performance. the blue plaid yankee hat. no one has it- and its badass.

2) the paper boy hat from lotte world. didnt get a chance to get it at 강남, couldnt find it at 양재, so i jumped on it when i saw it lotte world. no one has it- and its badass.

3) goofy hat. we were gonna buy sesame street character hats at the mall, but they were kinda lame. but i got the goofy hat. no one has it- and its badass.

4) next comes the douche hat. by douche hat i mean the navy blue fedora. i asked for a "douche hat" at lids, and the girl knew i meant the fedora. so i had to buy it. no one has it- and its badass.

5) finally, i have my pistol fedora. walked into metropark, and bought it because it was SO BADASS. and no one has it. i wasnt gonna put up a picture, but i now realize it is necessary.freaking 50 dollars. this is a serious trend that i dont understand. but this hat is so sexy. so i had to buy it.

so i guess my recent craziness regarding hats comes down to one conclusion: i have a strong tendency to want stuff that no one has, and its absolutely critical that its bonafide badass. alright, mystery solved. thanks blogspot. :D

bitterness

adj.
1. Having a sharp, pungent taste or smell; not sweet
2. (of people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt or resentful because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment
3. harsh or unpleasant, in particular (often used for emphasis) painful or unpleasant to accept or contemplate

Question.

What's the the opposite of wintersingleitis?

Wintersingleitis

I'm sick. Again.
Actually, all of my roommates are sick too.

my entire apartment (James, Eric, Andrew, myself) have been hit by a chronic disease. basically, what happens is the weather gets cold, and thoughts of the christmas season enter our heads. And damn you television and popular culture, for portraying the christmas season as a time where you cuddle up w/ your significant other on the couch, as the fireplace crackles, cups of hot chocolate in our hands. Oh, and you're both looking out the window as snow silently falls to lay down a nice layer of fresh snow on the grass. Have that in your head? we all know what im talking about, i dont have to look for a picture on google right.

aight, now that you have a nice visual, you have to ask yourself one question. Would you like to be in that siutation? Im not asking for you to tell me your answer so just be honest. I know you said yes. if you said no, stop reading here because you're probably a robot. as a robot, you're immune to this disease.

Alright, so basically, how we acquired this somber illness was the onslaught of sudden cold weather. plus that one time when it randomly snowed. that was a surprise killer. Weather's cold, it rains occasionally, and people are holding hands around campus. It all started with one of us *cough* (JAMES LEE) *cough* listening to some Jason Mraz, some Boyz II Men, some Mariah Carey, and singing. He comes into our room, sings some songs, and goes "ahhh im single." Now we're all sick. Freaking contagious as hell.

Symptoms of Wintersingleitis include:
- massive downloading of sappy love music, by artists like Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, Explosions in the Sky, Coldplay, etc.
- singing this huge massive playlist alone in your room
- singing this huge massive playlist with your apartment-mates
- listening to the playlist on your ipod on the way to class
- daydreaming
- losing train of thought
- not wanting to participate in borderline gay activities with your roommates such as borderline molestation of Eric Kim.

Doesn't sound that serious huh? Well, FactsThatAreDefinitelyTrue.com states that Wintersingleitis is the single most common and dreaded disease amongst college students. Scary Illness Magazine reports in their November 2008 issue that last year, 7 out of 10 students fell victim to Wintersingleitis, but that only 3 out of 10 students admit it. That leaves the other 4 out of 10 students suffering alone, with no song recommendations from anyone else. AvoidWintersingleitis.com warns that if you encounter any patients diagnosed with Wintersingleitis, you should immediately cover your heart, turn up your rap or rock music as loud as you can, and dress too warmly so the cold doesnt affect you. World renowned Dr. Eyeno Ebriding says that covering your heart is vital because cupid might own you early, and dressing too warmly is important because that way you have no desire or need for body heat from another individual.

You see, Wintersingleitis is a serious problem. The only cure is either getting a girlfriend/boyfriend, or waiting until Winter is over. The few of us that have been diagnosed, we can use your prayers. And your recommended sappy songs. Thank you.
Go to HowICanHelpFightWintersingleitis.com to find out more about what you can do to help.

"거정, 정신 차려!" - God

Have you ever had this happen to you? -

you do you qt for a few days, but what you read doesnt really make 100% sense, and it doesnt seem that applicable to life these days. so you read it, you go "ok, thanks God, but im just gonna write about w/e's on my mind this time." and you move on, not really having meditated on the Word.

That happened to me the past 2 days and today. and even stranger, it was 3 chapters in the bible, in a row, each time talking about the same thing. and each time i was like "why is the same thing repeated over and over...i'm not getting anything out of this." but recently God revealed to me why exactly He made me read the same topic over and over. Now i understand what God's been trying to teach me, and it's really an awesome thing to go through. because God really reveals to you what's wrong with you, and how crucial it is that you change.

"Yeah, you cant be acting like that, Joe. In the future, if you continue to carry yourself like that, it's gonna be ugly. and you're going to cry and ask me how this could have happened. And i'm going to tell you that i told you through QT but you didnt get it." but thankfully, now its more like "There, I revealed to you what I wanted you to know, now its on you to fix yourself so you dont mess up."

I love that crap. God just owning you. At first you're like "damnit, i suck." but then after that passes, you're like "dang. God is mad good."

i love it.
i loove it.

satan is . . .

a
big
fat

L I A R

Colossians 1:24

I now rejoice in my sufferings,
for you and fill up in my flesh
what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ,
for the sake of His body,
which is the church.

yeah...that basically sums it up for me.

Praise Report! Long...praise report....

Last night, i wrote a blog about how i feel like i'm falling apart or whatever. But that's because I was being ignant and stupid. How can i be feeling so down when God has blessed me so incredibly? Like, if you really think about it, the extent to which God has blesses us is straight up redikalus. But praise God, righ righ? lol

01.
Ok, so recently, it was my birthday. I expected a birthday party, to be honest, but i really didnt know when to expect it. Sunday night, I'm in my room, stressed about the amount of garbage that has built up in our kitchen, and fruit flies everywhere. Then my roommate andrew suggests that we go downstairs to go play Madden at Jongdae's place. Ok fine, I go down, and then all of a sudden, as I open the door, this is what happens:

Haha, this is my "I'm mad mushissuh" face. Freaking, as soon as I open the door, lights go on and people are screaming at me haha. That was freaking sweet, mad people were there to wish me a happy birthday, and I felt pretty special, not gonna lie lol



02.
The two things I stress the most and find the most joy in serving KCCC is small group leader and body worship leader. And my birthday rested on a monday, which is when I have small group. My entire mentality was *sigh*, i have to prepare for small group on my birthday- so i neglected to do cru.comm prepartion. Instead I ended up just preparing some discussion topics, and then prepared a spiel of my experience at Vision. When 9:30 pm rolled around, my kids arrived, and as I came out to the livingroom to start small group, there was all my little shekkis, sitting there with a ice cream cake and card. :D I was like, Daaang son. God is so good. <<<<<<<

03.
THEN on Tuesday night, we had body worship practice from 6 to 9 to perform at a interfellowship night. I have a lot of joy in leading bodyworship- my group is reallly good and cooperative, and I feel mad blessed to have them. But at the same time i was still burdened, with other thoughts distracting me, and the stress of my academic difficulties. I really tried to keep the joy in serving, but I was still struggling. I didnt even do my qt for awhile. But right before we started practice, some of the members of my small group presented me with a card and birthday present. :D again, i was like, Daaang son, God is sooo good.<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I'v only been small group leader since mid semptember, and I'v only had my small group since mid september, but still I guess i'v developed a relationship with my small group and body worship members; two fields of serving that I was really anxious about in the beginning of the year. But now I see that trust in God is all I really need. My small group doesnt like me because I'm such a cool guy; my body worship team doesnt like me because I'm so good at dancing. It's gotten to this point because God has truly been using me, and because I've been trusting in Him with all my insecurities. I just hope that i can continue to put everything into His hands, because I cant do this alone. Looking back on how down I was about me falling apart or whatever, I just think to myself, "wow, im a babo. God is good."


I don't think we can ever say it enough.

God is good. Praise God.

Yess I feel better. Thank you QT

Yo QT is soo good! what the heck lol

As I was reading the Word last night, I started to get bored again. "I'm not going to get anything ouf ot this again. I'm totally reading the same thing over and over." But that happens, and then I read more, and of course God just shows me what He wants to show me. As I read Psalms 103, it was all about how God is good, just, and compassionate. It talks about how God saved His Israelites from Egypt; the Bible even says "As a father has compassion on His children,..." Yo, thats mad compassion. Not even like a Higher-Power-and-His-Creations type relationship, but the extent of our God's compassion is not unlike a father's compassion for his children. Not only that, but as I read on in chapter 105, I found even more reassurance. What chapter 105 states can be summed up in verse 4: "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." God's strength is absolute. Like, are you serious? Yo, God speaks and locusts show up and own Egypt. He thinks it and the Nile River is turned into blood, and strikes down the first born of every household, like nothing. God split the damn Red Sea for people to cross, son! Thats insane, if you really think about it.

This was just the encouragement I needed. God's compassion is everlasting, more that we could ever fathom. Not only that, but God's strength is beyond understanding; what He wills, happens. Straight up. All things considered, how can I not entrust in Him all my woes and burdens? Psalms 68:19 says "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." It even says it in the Bible, straight up. If I think of God's strength, His compassion, His mercy, how can I not entrust in Him all my troubles? My academics, my health, my mom's health and well-being, as well as anything else that I'm struggling with. He is the God of Everlasting, ever trust-worthy, ever loving, ever just...I could go on, and on, but in three words: God is Good!

So why worry? Put a smile on. :]

Huh. Home Sweet Home?

At first i was surprised. Then i was bitter. then i was ashamed. Now i feel gooood.

surprised.
i get a phone call, mom has to get surgery. That means i cant go to sports day, or gethsemane for the next 6-7 weeks. then i became...

bitter.
i met all these nyu, st johns, fit people over missions, got to know some of them- iv been looking forward to this since we lost last year! but ENGGG denied. now i cant jump in john lim's face after i block his spike. or knock down eric cha and reclaim my spot as chicken fight champion. haha, but that quickly passed, and then i felt, you guessed it,

ashamed.
are you seroius? am i really thinking about competition and fellowship with friends when my mom needs me? 내가 아들 이야? 완전 실망이였어. Of course i'll go home every weekend to help out. and i'll definitely do it with a happy and prayerful heart.

goood.
i'm usually not a fan of going home. i love school too much. the independence. the 'do whatever the hell i want' atmosphere. i love it. living with roommates, meeting friends late at night, random white-castle runs, etc. coming home, im confined in my house, plus its the shigol. plus i dont drive. but while i was waiting for the train home, i called my mom to tell her i was on my way. the following broke my heart.

- 엄아, 나 기차 기다리고 있어.
- o ok! 밥 먹었니?
- ...no. actually i didnt get a chance to yet.
- 아! 오캐이- 엄아가 밥줌비 해놀깨

sounds like nothing, but i suddenly got mad emotional. when i'm at school, sometimes i skip meals. simply because i dont have time to prepare stuff for myself, or theres no food, or because take out is closed. so that means i either skip, eat cheezits for meal, or order food. usually i have a box of cheezits, and usually i have no money. so if i dont eat, i eat cheezits and tolberone chocholate (cause one of my roommates bought me a huge freaking tolberone). and when my mom said she'd prepare something right away because i was hungry, i suddenly remembered what "mom" is. what "family" is. hit me like the last scene of Tae Geuk Gi.

for the first time in awhile i can say,
Home Sweet Home.

Eprops for King David

Why hello there!

Ok so anyway,
For me, when i do QT's these days, im reading Psalms. And Psalms is sweet, like, I love it. Theres mad verses that help me with my personal struggles, and it's really been helping me alot recently. Seriously, i would recommend it to anyone, and i know it'll help you. But theres two things i dont like about Psalms.

01) It's long. 150 chapters: i do 5 a day and its still gonna take me 30 days, which is a month. long time
and
02) I dont like King David. i think he's a wuss.

Now I know some of you are saying "How can you not like him, he owned the philistine Goliath. thats so badass." or "What? I love reading David and his struggles and how you can see God answering his prayers!" Ok, he was a great, God fearing man. But i felt like his faith was so fickle. For example, One chapter, he'd be using eloquent words and poetry to talk about how good God is, and hey, I have no beef with that. If i were vocabularily gifted, i'd praise God like that too. I dont even think "vocabularily" is even a word. thats how bad i am with words. but yeah, no beef with David on that one. But then in the very next chapter, David would be complaining that God forgot about him in his struggles with people trying to kill him. Like, i know King David trusts God with all his heart, but why does he give up hope so quickly, jumping to the conclusion that God forsook him (again, probably not a real word. but think past present of forsake). And then when God answered david's prayers and saves him from his pursuers, all of a sudden David forgets that he's been crying about God forsaking him and holding out on His deliverance and praises God with body and song all day long. And this was a repeated cycle througout the entire first book of Psalms. All these things considered, I didnt think too highly of King David. I thought of him as a little kid.

*GASP*
Joe, how can you say all these things?

HOWEVER, today, for the first time since i started doing my own QT, i read the Word looking at the context. More-so than the actual verses. Usually I would search for verses themselves, to find something that i can relate to, or can individually give me the encouragement and strength that i needed at that moment. But taking a look at the bigger picture was different. Today, by the end of my qt, i hadn't highlighted anything in the bible. But at the same time, it gave me a WHOLE NEW perspective of the main message. And this is what i realized:

I'm no different from King David.

I love God with all my heart. I praise Him whenever i get a chance. (im not trying to say im an awesome christian, dont misinterpret- but anyway) When i am in trouble, I pray to God to save me. And who else is there to turn to right? And He does; God always pulls through. So far, sounds like King David right? alright, but now what happens to me when I face my deepest struggles? My struggles with selfish desire, my "onlys," the temporary idols that i create in my life, etc. I trust in God, and praise Him when things go well, but when these things pop up, what then? When s*** hits the fan, I bug out. I get bitter, listen to non-praise music, not want to do anything, and worst of all, I question if God is still where i can put all my trust. not word for word, but i say something along the lines of "Have you forsaken me?" But then God shakes me out of my ignorance, He hears my prayers, and shows me reassurance, through whatever, to show me that I was dumb to question my trust in Him. Repeat cycle.

All the things I had beef with in David's actions, I found in myself.

How fickle we are, as humans? Yeah, man is so sinful. All we have, ultimately, is God. But when it seems to go against our deepest, selfish desires, we get bitter. Lord, forgive me; forgive us. We are too fickle, and we turn away from you, but God you are so good, you dont give up on us, and you show us the reassurance we always need. God is good. I just need strength, trust, and patience.

WHOM HAVE I IN HEAVEN BUT YOU? AND EARTH HAS NOTHING I DESIRE BESIDES YOU. (Psalms 73:25).

Macaroni Grill!

note: for those of you familiar with hyemyung's blog, this is going to bear some resemblance to her blog. you'll see what i mean...

Alright so after an eventful weekend in the city, I stopped by a little place called Macaron Cafe on ...thirty something street, between broadway and 7th? does that make sense? is there 6th ave between broadway and 7th? i dunno, i can get there, i dont really know where it is. basically this blog is useless if you're inspired to go check out the place haha

but previously, i saw pictures and mini reviews of a mystery french pastry called "Macarons" from grace and hyemyung's blogs/facebook, and i was somewhat intrigued. the pictures made it look like colorful marshmallows, and marshmallows are mad delicious, so naturally id want to eat it. righ righ? makes sense, i think. simple thinking haha

but after reading someone's food blogs for some time, i think i learned to appreciate food more. cause usaually id just eat it, and if it tastes good, then i'll like it, thats it. but i'v been kinda taking note of food that im eating, jokkom more appreciative.

so here goes:

The French Macaron. I feel better about the authenticity of this place's pastries because the workers are french lol. but for 1.75, you can get 1 macaron, a choice of maaad different flavors, like strawberry or creme brulee (shown on the right), chocholate, jasmine tea, rose something, lychee, expresso...and id ont remember any more haha.

basically, the macaron is a sweet french dessert pastry. if you look at it, "it looks like a hamburger." but unlike a big burger, the macaron is about the size of the bottom of a soda can. kinda miniscule, but regardless of the size, i think you'll be satisfied. Instead of a bun, you have this, somewhat crisp, somewhat crunchy, hard shell, pretty sweet with the flavor of your choice. and instead of lettuce, tomato, sauce, you have this dense bread part, and its really soft. its almost like jelly bean texture status, but it doesnt get stuck in your teeth. but like a jelly bean, it doesnt crumble or fall apart. finally, instead of your hamburger beef patty, we have a custard-like creme filling. Soft, creamy, and not neukki hae at all.

Over all, like the shake shack burger, which someone introduced to me and i thought it was the best friggen cheese burger iv ever had, i think this is one of my favorite desserts. (my top choice being korean bbang) like, someone mentioned that this was a feminine treat, and even tho admittedly its not really manly (it is a french dessert after all), im not ashamed to say its pretty damn delectable. if you have like 10, you'll probably get tired of it, but like 1 or 2 with a glass of ice cold milk would be maaad ideal. i had milk at home, but my macarons were getting crushed by other people on the train so i ate them on the ride home from the city. but not before taking mental notes about how good these were haha

go to this place. its mad small and really hidden i feel like, but Cafe Macaron. not to be confused with Cafe Morroccan, or Macaroni Grill.

Do Your QT's!

I can honestly say, throughout almost every day, or maybe every other day, i deal with some sort or amount of crap. Some kinda struggle, be it major or minor. And whatever it is, it'll bother me a little, throughout the day. or maybe it'll affect me to the point where it affects me all day. i mean who knows, right? every day is different, i dont know how much shit im going to deal with.

but every day, i have QT to turn to. And when I read the Word, almost every time, i read what i need. God somehow makes it that whatever shit is bothering me that day, that i'll read about whats wrong with my attitude, or showing me a bigger picture or something. And when i read the Word, i just get an overwhelming sense of humbling or reassurance. i honestly don't know how i lived my life without doing daily QT.

and when i get blessed through QT, theres one song that i feel like is so fitting, and hits home for me. David Crowder Band's "Thank you for hearing me"

Thank you for saving me (4x)
Praise the Lord, O my soul, Praise the Lord

(Thank you for saving me...
Thank you for loving me...
Thank you for finding me...
Thank you for hearing me...)

Pulled Apart

I legitimately feel like God is pulling me in like 8 different ways. like KRIPP
God is the potter and I'm the clay right? He's stretching me, and it's getting harder and harder to not fall apart. If i can endure, then in the end I feel like I really would grow immensely. however if i break, its just going to suck that much harder. Lets see, what do i have.

ok, we have my small group, to invest my time and heart. and then for me, to become a good soonjang, and be there for my kids, guide them when they need to turn to God. ok, what else, we have my mom's health in question, thats probably not gonna be a sweet experience. Thats the day before KCCC Sports Day: i just met mad kccc kids from other campuses, and compete with others in fellowship, but i cant go. Fine, thats absolutely fine, i can live with that: my mom needs me to be there for her, i can miss sports day: family comes first, I have no struggle or bitterness towards it. also i'm still struggling with something else that God is still giving me strength in. plus im still sick from like what, august 20th or something? what is it now, october 7th. oh and theres body worship.

body worship is going to be awesome to lead, I love doing body worship. but i havent led body worship before. body worship choreo doesnt come to me, my creation skills are lacking in that- i'v only learned body worship, iv never tried teaching it to others. theres only one thing that is holding me back: i have a huge feeling that im so inadequate, incompetent. How am i going to lead this group of kids that want to praise God if i dont think i can be the shepherd to guide them? Like, today at large group i saw my name in the bulletin under "committees"- Body Worship - Joe Yoo. and i remember kinda just sinking into my seat

At today's large group, Jihye Gnz said in her message, that we have to pray, and thru prayer, trust in God. Frankly speaking, I believe god has entrusted this body worship leader position into my hand because He thinks I can do it. And if god thinks something, it's definitely gonna happen, or it's the truth, one or the other. If i cant do it myself, God is going to make it happen through me. tomorrow is the first meeting, and Im just going to lift up my trust in Him.

Psalms 57:7 says "My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music."

so basically, even though im going through all this crap, im struggling with all these things, i will remain steadfast in You, God. And I can praise you, because of the trust that I commit to You. (dang, mad props to king david huh. he gets chased by all these people that want to kill him, his own stepsons want to kill him for his throne, but he trusts in God and has the joy to sing and praise God even more.)

O Lord, give me strength.

how do you spell "patience?"

if not p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e . . .

"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control." (1 Corinthians 7:5)

"I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:35)

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18)

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)

"So I say, live in the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. they are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law." (Galatians 5:16-18)

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalms 37:4)

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my savior and my God." (Psalms 42:5)

and my favorite of all:

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Romans 5:3-5)

(Will be updated as i find them)

Stubborn Self Will equals Uh-Oh for Joe

For the record, this is for my own self reflection cause no one reads this haha

First off, I want to say that God is good. There is no truer statement. He has blessed me so much in recent, that I'm just so humbled and I feel incredibly blessed. What did i do to deserve all these blessings, when im such a sinner? sure i serve at kccc, sure i attend church every sunday, do qt, go to geth, but in the end, at the core, i'm a sinful human being. Yet, He sent Jesus to die for me, and He loves me unconditionally. It's almost too good to be true. but thats God i guess. Its like i'm a guhji and i kill some dude for his money, but then his mom brings me into her house and clothes and feeds me. It doesnt make any sense, and all i can do is praise God and devote my life to Him.

with that said, i want to mention that God has just blessed me in particular that has affected me these days. But I think that my impatience is turning that blessing into my own self desire. I KNOW for a fact that I need to chill out, but like, its mad difficult. I need to focus on being a good soonjang and bodyworship leader first and foremost, because that's God's will for me. That much is painstakingly obvious to me. then why do I feel like such a noob? Why can't I submit to God's will with other things? I'm just a punkass human, about to get owned by God for not yielding to His will. ...which is definitely the last thing i want. 

i know for certain, that if i dont do this the way God has planned for me, it'll end bad. it's just going to end bad without God's thumbs up. and what i want more than anything is God's thumbs up. because then i know for sure it'll be good. Obviously I dont want to get owned by God. My prayer request is patience. patience, patience, patience.

as elvis presley once said, only fools rush in.

Let Go and Let God.

Wanted, Bible References to Abraham and Issac?

Alroight, so, after a phone call, I had "Wall-E" and "Wanted" downloaded onto my desktop. "Wall-E" was what i planned on watching first, but it turns out it was bad quality, so i quickly disposed of it and double clicked the video file "Wanted," as Quicktime opened up and started playing the movie. (WARNING, LONG ASS ENTRY)

I wanted to watch this movie primarily for the crazy action sequences, but had low expectations. But as I watched the sweet visual affects and crazy stunts, I began making some connections with the movie to references from Genesis, with the story of Abraham and Issac. Now we're all familiar with this bible passage right? God says Abraham's gonna get a kid, Abraham goes "pftt nah son im mad old." Then all of a sudden, God humbles the crap out of Abraham and says "BAM" and Issac's born. Awesome, life is sweet again.

but then God goes, "Aight, now I want you to kill your kid. I gave you a blessing, and now I'm taking away your blessing. 

But now things are different! God has Abraham's utmost faith. So Abraham submit's to God, and prepares to kill Issac. As he's about to, God goes "Aight, thats good enough for me, 'don't kill your kid yo."

(God.) (Abraham) (Issac) 

Right? everyone knows the story. 

Now, with this movie. I don't think this movie was intended to be like the Genesis story, but there were too many parallels to ignore. (spoiler alert)

-------this is just movie background and parallel if youre committed----------

                                                scroll down from here

01) First off, like Abraham, Angelina Jolie's character, "Fox," was a skeptic before she enters the assasination group known as "The Fraternity." The Fraternity claims that fate gives them a target, and they eliminate it without question. But later on, after a life changing experience, Morgan Freeman's character, "Sloan," shows her that something greater was at work before she knew it, and thats when her faith in Fate and The Fraternity became absolute. PARALLEL: Abraham is skeptic, God shows him his power, Abraham is a believer.

02) Second, as the main character enters the scene, guy named "Wesley," The Faternity trains Wesley, and Angelina Jolie aka "The Fox," starts to form a special bond with Wesley. However later on, Fox is told that Fate has issued an order to kill Wesley. With unwavering faith, The Fox goes to complete the job, not worried about the consequences of her actions, but just trusting in Fate. PARALLEL: Abraham is told to kill Issac, and Abraham goes to do it, fully trusting in God.

I would spare you the conclusion of the story, but i have to tell you in order to get my point across. Basically what happens is that in the end, it turns out that Morgan Freeman, aka Sloan, didnt really have the orders from Fate, and was just using Fate as a way to gain the power and trust of his followers, and away from the real Fate. Sloan sends Wesley to unknowingly kill Wesley's dad, dad tells Wesley that he was tricked after all this time. Wesley finds this out, lets The Fox know. Turns out the real Fate originally had Fox and the rest of Sloan's followers die. Realizing the truth, The Fox kills the rest of Sloan's followers, and ultimately kills herself to carry out the real Fate's original plan. And then our hero Wesley kills Sloan. 

This was supposed to be some brief entertainment before bed, but as I watched it, i felt like God was showing me these connections. Basically, I've been going through some struggles, spiritually, and this movie was just what i needed. I didnt mention this previously, but before the movie starts, apparently Sloan sent Wesley's dad to kill Wesley, saying that he needs to follow "Faith" in the Fraternity, but Wesley's dad (aka Cross) didnt listen because obviously he didnt want to kill his own kid. My interpretation: Sometimes you have to figure out and ignore God's plan from the voices of the world (like "studying and partying is fine as long as you go to church once in awhile right?) The Fox didnt really sift through the truth from the lies, and following blindly, and ultimately led to her own destruction. 

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now for me, my spiritual struggle these days is sifting through what I want, and what GOD wants. I like to think that i know what God wants and that i'm doing it, but thinking like that even, is a sin, to remain stasis in faith. We need to continue seeking him, in a state of utter humility. but sometimes i have my own desires, and i want to do whatever I want, even if it might be not pleasing to God. The problem with that is that I tend to reason with myself, telling myself all these different reasons as to why what i want is okay. Not only myself, but the Satan (in the movie, Sloan) works hard to deceive you, convincing you that some things are permissible (but not all things are beneficial). But through all this, i realized that only when my desires match up with God's plan does everything work out beautifully. If i try to fulfill my own desires against God's plan, then it might work well for me for a little bit. It might even make me happy, for a little bit. but ultimately, it'll all fall apart miserably. And currently, there is somethings that i want to do, that i want to see happen, but I dont want it to end badly. i want it to be freaking perfect.  I just need to pray for His go-ahead nod. 

hey, eprops if you read all this.

seriously, this was mad reading haha

you could call it a time commitment even. 

shortcomings lead to self discouragement.

So basically, I am officially the Rutgers University KCCC Body Worship Leader.

awesome. praise God.

but...one problem. 

I dont think i can do it.

moving in!

so i moved into my new apartment yesterday, Silvers Apts, I brought in everything i needed. im alone here till saturday so the entire place (besides my own room) looks so cold and uninhabited like a dark cave...it basically felt like a dementor took a dump in my bathroom and didnt flush. so i decided to go to walmart and make the place a little more "homey"

now first and foremost, im a dude. i dont know anything about making a place homey, and no girl is helping me. if i were 21 i probably would have bought a keg of heinekin beer for decoration and a plastic playground slide. but i dont drink beer anymore and a plastic slide sounds expensive so i just settled for 2 bathroom rugs, doormat and another toothbrush even tho i dont need it. i might need it. incase i lose my old one? (wow there was absolutely no reason for me to buy that tooth brush)

and then i thought, hey, im living in an apartment, i need to do some grocery shopping now right? so i went over to the food section of walmart to take a look. after walking up and down the aisles and some long thinking, i grabbed my essentials:

- a box of white cheddar cheez its

- box of crunch 'n munch buttery toffee popcorn

- orange juice

good enough right? for grocery shopping?

aaaand i missed a meeting and almost got fired. busted out the ol' "in all honesty, it was my mistake, i neglected to read the meeting notice carefully and missed it. it was my mistake and i regret not paying careful attention to the paper. i DO want to continue working here because i love this place [student center]." 

money.

still employed baby. 

praise God.

God is Good

so true.

(im so tired right now, so this may sound like terrible english and random ideas organized in terrible manner, forgive me, im somewhat delrious. but i am surprised at how much i am writing.)

since missions, God has made me see so much more of His blessings, and i'v learned to count on Him so much. Like, previous to missions, i saw His blessings every day as well. like for example, i would skip out on so much potential study time the day before an exam and go to church instead, and then the exam would be pushed back to the week later. stuff like that i would sit back and be like "dang son, God is good. "

but after missions, it was different for me in the sense that I would see God working in my life and i would think "dang son, God is good. look at me, who am i? im just one dude in a world with billions of people, im so sinful, but God still chooses to bless me. How is it that He's so unconditionally loving? How is it that He's so faithful, so everlasting, and ALWAYS there. What the heck, I dont deserve this, but still He's so good to me." 

i think being humbled so bad in thailand as well as seeing prayer work so realistically has begun to make me look at God's works in a different light. i want to share some of the blessings God has endowed me with-

- upon coming back from korea, after experiencing so much and having so much fun, i had to come home to the middle of nowhere, the boondocks if you will. this is where i know no one, and i live too far for anyone to drive down to visit me. post missions stress was putting me down so i prayed to God, that i wont get sucked into this loneliness. bam. that following week people drive down all the way from bergen (while getting 2 hours out of the way lost) to pick me up and go to the beach, philly, and later six flags. Praise God

- even something small: the day at the beach, the forecast was thunderstorms. obviously this is not choice weather for a trip to seaside heights. but some of us really prayed for it, and lifted up the day to God in christian fellowship, and we ended up having amazing weather (after a brief heavy downpour which turned out to be a chance for a lot of fun). Praise God

- Even just the people i've met over the summer, i feel so blessed with having met them. I wanted to go on missions partly to meet kccc people outside of rutgers, and God has definitely come through. even after missions i was able to hang out with them and keep up these new friendships. just getting to know them personally and spending time with them has become such a huge blessing and i wouldnt give up any of the good times we've shared since missions for anything. (this is the kind of things i think back and smile about. cause i realize now that fellowship in His name, sober and doing random things is SO MUCH MORE SWEETER than getting drunk and going to parties) like i said. i wouldnt trade any of these things for my past life as a freshman and beginning of sophomore in college. 

one last thing i want to just throw up there because the header for my blog spot is "basically whats going on in my head" is just how awesome God is in my life recently recently. These days im struggling with something that has become such an amazing blessing in my life, but having some personal trouble with it. And it's difficult, because impulsively I want to do one thing, but my mind is going "hey thats a bad idea right now" and its really a struggle for me. However, Good is good, no? I really love spending time in the Word and prayer, because yo, no joke, for those of you that dont know or isnt sure, God listens and God answers. I love it when you offer up a prayer, and then you read the bible and you see that one set of verses that completely applies to what you're going through or having trouble with. cause LITERALLY it is like God speaking to you, giving you the perfect answer to give you encouragement and strength-

-- it just makes me stop and think: are you serious? me, one random sinful kid in a world of other people, receiving an answer directly from big guns upstairs? listening to me and hooking me up with a can of whoop-ass wisdom? its kinda ridicalus --

hey for all you kccc heads, go to geth. sometimes i dont get a chance to completely pray because im at home, in bed and about to sleep so i pass out, and my prayers become weaksauce. but having something like gethsemane to settle you back down and put you in prayer atmosphere is one of the most helpful things ever. 

pray son. you gotta. 

hmm...what can i come up with as i write..

ok lets start with this freaking cough. 

ever since...little after six flags...so id say wednesday? (a week ago) ive had this freak cough that would randomly harass my calm composure and interrupt casual and intense conversation alike. iv just been getting owned by this cough. and its weird because i dont have a fever, i dont feel weak, i dont get headaches, and i dont have a sore throat. im in tip top shape but this cough is just raping me at will and wont go away. my only theory is that voldemort put a spell on me or something. ownus coughus foreverus (that sounded a lot more clever in my head but not anymore now that i can see it.) 

ok now that i got some nonsense out of the way, i was able to figure out something to write about. Ok considering I didnt write in this after missions, ill just do the quickest recap in the world, and it wont do justice to the blessings that iv received from half the summer. 

--> met the team, wasnt too excited about them to be honest, but went to thailand with them,

--> got freaking owned with the flu for 2 weeks cause i asked God to keep me humble, didnt get any prc's, felt really worthless, teammates helped me out, fell in love with my team

--> then went to jeju, God just blessed the crap out of me by letting me perform in front of a billion people at the conference with By God's Grace (and it was literally by God's grace), met mad awesome people from nykccc at jeju, 

--> went to english camp, hated the kids, loved the kids later, prayed in a volcano crater (it erupted too so we had to get out of there on a magic carpet we found inside that helped us out),

--> went to seoul, hung out with st johns and nyu kids, started hating on st johns (lol), started enjoying nyu, had a freaking blast in seoul, watched several scary movies in consecutive days, learned to be afraid of gwishins, 

--> came back, was sad that i was in the boondocks, went to beach, had so much more fun than expected, 

--> went to philly, ate moroccan food that made me bangoo with reckless abandon, 

--> went to six flags, el toro beats kingda ka and dont ever ride dark knight because you will be upset, 

--> and with geth every week.... 

thats basically my summary of the best summer of my life, i can confidently say. 

and after all that, i think the main thing I got out of all of that is God is Good. there is not a truer statement. (this one's getting real long so ima cut it and continue on a different entry)

Some people ask, "Who is Jesus?"

Well first you have to ask yourself-

Who paves the road we walk on?

Who takes the harsh wind ahead of us?

Who's shoulders do we look to, and sometimes stand on?

Who carries the burdens we cant bear alone?

Who blazes the trail that we follow

Who bore our sins and died on the cross, so that we're not condemned to hell?

That's Jesus.

LAZY

im so bad at keeping up with this.

God...

...is good.

Period.

"Damn, I need a boge."

Why is it that all of a sudden kids are starting to smoke cigarettes? Kids as in, highschool kids. Or even worse, college kids. I was under the impression that everyone knows how bad cigarettes are for you? And how expensive they are? I just assumed that people started smoking cigarettes to look cool and not knowing the effects/consequences. 

Im speaking, of course, from a non-smoker's opinion. 

That made me a smoker-hater, but living

 with a cigarette smoking roommate has helped me understand who smokers do smoke cigarettes, and why they dont quit, even though they're fully aware of the health risks. Basically, I gave him crap about smoking cigarettes and he'd try to reason with me why he has to smoke them and why I have to stand outside with him at night so he doesnt have to smoke alone lol. Pain in my ass to stand outside in the cold but its all good haha

frankly speaking, im good. and i know i'll never smoke. but it sucks to see people i care about smoke cigarettes. The worst is when you say something about them smoking, and they say "Yo, dont worry about it, i can/im gonna quit when i want/soon. Clearly you're fooling yourself, any addicted smoker can tell you that. And then they get pissed of cause im giving them shit abut smoking. Honestly, Im giving you shit cause i care about your health. If i didnt care about you, why would it bother me that you're wasting your life and money away? OR the "Hey, I dont want to live that long anyway." Ohh that annoys me lol. What, have you been to the future? Do you know if you're gonna get kids and want to see them grow up, or your grand kids? Plus, if you smoke cigarettes, you dont know when the fuck you're gonna get cancer (if you do). "I dont want to live that long"- are you dumb, cigarettes can kill you at age 30. Shits serious.

But what can i do. Honestly. You cant try to verbally convince a smoker to quit. Its their choice, so what can i do besides sit and watch. All i can do is pray, i guess. By God's Grace...