Another birthday has come and gone and it leaves me one year older and lets me buy alcohol. but i cant help but reflect really briefly.
Just things like, "how did I get where I am now?" "how did I become the man I am now?" "How did I come to meet people that I've met?" I could ask a billion questions and get a 2 billion answers, but really there's only one answer that can sufficiently answer all these questions; the Grace of God. By God's Grace is really what makes us Christian, right? We sin, but God forgives. Grace.
Think about it. How did I come to Rutgers with such a low SAT score? Grace of God. How did I end up in KCCC to personally know God? Grace of God. How'd I live this long without a serious illness? Grace of God. Why am I so damn good looking? Grace of God. How'd I get such an amazing girlfriend? Grace of God. I could go on and on. I just want to stop and think about how good God really is. and honestly, I dont think it's possible to really comprehend how good He is. I dont deserve to be this blessed. For the amount of selfishness that I generate, the amount of hatred I generate towards others, etc., I dont deserve this life I live in. But here I am.
IM 21, BIATCH. WOOT WOOT
28.10.09
11.9.09
interesting parallel
Christianity. How would you describe it? Personally, for me, it's just a leap of faith. Wouldnt you agree though? Here's my thoughts-
As a PK, I grew up in the church all my life. I went to church as an insider, but I didnt have a personal relationship with God. I just watched, observed, learned about church, but I didnt really have it for myself. It sucked, cause I wanted it for myself, but as a PK, it was hard for me. I didnt listen to my mom's sermon's for self revival- i listened to my mom's sermon for any mistakes i can help her out with for future sermons. I sang hymn songs not so I could worship Him, but so I could be loud and make my mom look good. However, after my freshman year in college, I truly saw and understood for myself how awesome a relationship with God could be, and how much He unconditionally loves me.
but that kind of stuff, that's unreasonable. unconditional love? never ending grace? from an almighty Father from Heaven? that loves me so much, out of the billions of people in the world? that is humanly incomprehensible. it literally doesnt make sense. but i have to believe. cause it has to be true. it must be true. do i know for sure? my mind says no i dont know for sure; i could be completely wrong. but my heart says its true. thats why its a leap of faith.
now, hm, why is joe talking about his faith, out of nowhere? watch as i magically tie this "leap of faith" idea with something completely out of nowhere- a long distance relationship lol.
Isn't a long distance relationship something like our relationship with Christ? If you dont pray and do QT, then your relationship with God will suffer, just like not calling and chatting will make your relationship with your partner suffer, and trust can be shaken. If you dont spend time with God, how do you expect to grow? How do you expect to continue to trust that He's really there for you. It really has to be a daily thing. Imagine having a girlfriend or boyfriend living far away, whom you dont get to see, and you dont visit at all, and you guys dont talk. Like, kaput. no phone calls, no emails, no chatting. nothing, but you talk once a week. all you got is that once a week and the hope that that person still has feelings for you. got that scenario in your head? super. now lie to yourself and say that you would be fine and wouldnt struggle with trust. also your relationship with that person would eventually lose priority in your life, and eventually that fire you had will die.
isnt that like people that just attend church once a week for the sake of it? or even worse, the people that come to church for easter and christmas eve. as i heard a famous pastor once say, people that are lukewarm in their faith is worse than being an athiest- at least atheists have passion for what they believe. but people that become lukewarm end up that way because they dont invest in their relationship with God. they dont pray regularly, or do qt, or become involved in their church. maybe they did at first, but as it became less consistent, other things took priority of their time, such as sunday football games, work, family, etc. I'm not judging people, im just trying to make a point. my point is, you have to work at it to keep your relationship with Jesus. Because christianity isnt in your face all the time, its easy to phase it out, and eventually lose trust in Him.
I know and can say this because I went through a time in my life when i was most guilty of this. I stopped doing qt, stopped praying. went to church, but stopped caring. I served as a leader in KCCC. I led bible study to my soonwons with a lukewarm faith that didnt trust in the Lord. That didnt care. I am the most guilty of this. But by His grace He has forgiven me and welcomed me back into his welcoming arms.
All this analysis, to tie in this point: so if i ask people, "what do you think about long distance relationships?" I'm usually met with different forms of the same negative answer: "it sucks." "dont do it." "not worth it." "dont even think about it." (Sounds like something a non-christian would say if someone asked them about getting into christianity). After talking with friends, i was pretty discouraged from even trying. but just like when you hear the good news of the Gospel and you just know; when I talked to her, when I looked into her eyes, I knew. I knew that it was worth it. that she was worth it. so i jumped. against all odds, I took a "leap of faith" in a sense, and now we're together. however, just like they werent lying when they said christianity is hard, they werent lying about long distance relationships either. It's gonna be hard. It's already hard. not going to lie, I struggle sometimes to fight off the dark doubts clawing at the back of my mind. but I'm gonna work at it daily. I'm going to keep this fire burning for a long time. forever if i can.
After brainfarting all this, I can really, practically see the importance of meditating daily in the Word and praying on a very consistent basis. Dang, funny how God reveals some truths into our lives. it's no coincidence that I thought of daily devotion with God as a parallel to long distance relationship- when I dont do my QT, I tend to suffer the lies my head tells me about her. But when I do my QT, even if the passage isnt particularly relevant, it keeps my heart at rest.
disclaimer: although i made this parallel of my relationship with God my relationship with my girlfriend, i place my relationship with God above the latter. this is just a comparison of the idea.
damn i wrote a lot.
then again, its late, so in my deliriousness i could just be splurting out pure ignorance. maybe ill regret having written this tomorrow morning.
As a PK, I grew up in the church all my life. I went to church as an insider, but I didnt have a personal relationship with God. I just watched, observed, learned about church, but I didnt really have it for myself. It sucked, cause I wanted it for myself, but as a PK, it was hard for me. I didnt listen to my mom's sermon's for self revival- i listened to my mom's sermon for any mistakes i can help her out with for future sermons. I sang hymn songs not so I could worship Him, but so I could be loud and make my mom look good. However, after my freshman year in college, I truly saw and understood for myself how awesome a relationship with God could be, and how much He unconditionally loves me.
but that kind of stuff, that's unreasonable. unconditional love? never ending grace? from an almighty Father from Heaven? that loves me so much, out of the billions of people in the world? that is humanly incomprehensible. it literally doesnt make sense. but i have to believe. cause it has to be true. it must be true. do i know for sure? my mind says no i dont know for sure; i could be completely wrong. but my heart says its true. thats why its a leap of faith.
now, hm, why is joe talking about his faith, out of nowhere? watch as i magically tie this "leap of faith" idea with something completely out of nowhere- a long distance relationship lol.
Isn't a long distance relationship something like our relationship with Christ? If you dont pray and do QT, then your relationship with God will suffer, just like not calling and chatting will make your relationship with your partner suffer, and trust can be shaken. If you dont spend time with God, how do you expect to grow? How do you expect to continue to trust that He's really there for you. It really has to be a daily thing. Imagine having a girlfriend or boyfriend living far away, whom you dont get to see, and you dont visit at all, and you guys dont talk. Like, kaput. no phone calls, no emails, no chatting. nothing, but you talk once a week. all you got is that once a week and the hope that that person still has feelings for you. got that scenario in your head? super. now lie to yourself and say that you would be fine and wouldnt struggle with trust. also your relationship with that person would eventually lose priority in your life, and eventually that fire you had will die.
isnt that like people that just attend church once a week for the sake of it? or even worse, the people that come to church for easter and christmas eve. as i heard a famous pastor once say, people that are lukewarm in their faith is worse than being an athiest- at least atheists have passion for what they believe. but people that become lukewarm end up that way because they dont invest in their relationship with God. they dont pray regularly, or do qt, or become involved in their church. maybe they did at first, but as it became less consistent, other things took priority of their time, such as sunday football games, work, family, etc. I'm not judging people, im just trying to make a point. my point is, you have to work at it to keep your relationship with Jesus. Because christianity isnt in your face all the time, its easy to phase it out, and eventually lose trust in Him.
I know and can say this because I went through a time in my life when i was most guilty of this. I stopped doing qt, stopped praying. went to church, but stopped caring. I served as a leader in KCCC. I led bible study to my soonwons with a lukewarm faith that didnt trust in the Lord. That didnt care. I am the most guilty of this. But by His grace He has forgiven me and welcomed me back into his welcoming arms.
All this analysis, to tie in this point: so if i ask people, "what do you think about long distance relationships?" I'm usually met with different forms of the same negative answer: "it sucks." "dont do it." "not worth it." "dont even think about it." (Sounds like something a non-christian would say if someone asked them about getting into christianity). After talking with friends, i was pretty discouraged from even trying. but just like when you hear the good news of the Gospel and you just know; when I talked to her, when I looked into her eyes, I knew. I knew that it was worth it. that she was worth it. so i jumped. against all odds, I took a "leap of faith" in a sense, and now we're together. however, just like they werent lying when they said christianity is hard, they werent lying about long distance relationships either. It's gonna be hard. It's already hard. not going to lie, I struggle sometimes to fight off the dark doubts clawing at the back of my mind. but I'm gonna work at it daily. I'm going to keep this fire burning for a long time. forever if i can.
After brainfarting all this, I can really, practically see the importance of meditating daily in the Word and praying on a very consistent basis. Dang, funny how God reveals some truths into our lives. it's no coincidence that I thought of daily devotion with God as a parallel to long distance relationship- when I dont do my QT, I tend to suffer the lies my head tells me about her. But when I do my QT, even if the passage isnt particularly relevant, it keeps my heart at rest.
disclaimer: although i made this parallel of my relationship with God my relationship with my girlfriend, i place my relationship with God above the latter. this is just a comparison of the idea.
damn i wrote a lot.
then again, its late, so in my deliriousness i could just be splurting out pure ignorance. maybe ill regret having written this tomorrow morning.
8.2.09
people change
Wow, what could have possibly inspired me to spend a good however-long-this-is-going-to-take to write in my blog once again. maybe its the reassurance that no one is going to read it, but here i go again.
let me first ask a question: do you believe that people are the way they are from birth, or do they develop their personalities over time and experience? thats a pretty legit philosophy question, right? definitely can be argued both ways.
id say that over the past 2 and a half months, i went through a period of change because of stuff i went through. and i'm thankful for the experience it has given me; this change, in my opinion was positive. i just interacted with people differently, and i started thinking about things differently, and in turn changing my actions. It was even to the point where i would say to myself "this is so unlike you, joe."
but again, its not something i think is terribly negative. im having fun. im being me. who was going to have a problem with that? but recently I took some time to reflect- is this what i want? - am i being an asshole? - it may be fun, but in the end you're just gonna be alone - why the lack of heart in everything?
this mini revelation inspired some thinking...maybe iv changed for the worse.
or maybe this is just temporary me lying to myself. i dont know.
let me first ask a question: do you believe that people are the way they are from birth, or do they develop their personalities over time and experience? thats a pretty legit philosophy question, right? definitely can be argued both ways.
id say that over the past 2 and a half months, i went through a period of change because of stuff i went through. and i'm thankful for the experience it has given me; this change, in my opinion was positive. i just interacted with people differently, and i started thinking about things differently, and in turn changing my actions. It was even to the point where i would say to myself "this is so unlike you, joe."
but again, its not something i think is terribly negative. im having fun. im being me. who was going to have a problem with that? but recently I took some time to reflect- is this what i want? - am i being an asshole? - it may be fun, but in the end you're just gonna be alone - why the lack of heart in everything?
this mini revelation inspired some thinking...maybe iv changed for the worse.
or maybe this is just temporary me lying to myself. i dont know.
8.1.09
1.1.09
NYC Food Tour
on december 30th, me and these kids
went to ny to eat these culinary treats from 2pm-6:30pm. nonstop.
1) shake shack
(shack stack)
2) Crumbs Cupcakes
(from top to bottom: ryoo and his apple caramel, james and his chocolate peanut butter chip, and me with my red velvet)
3) Otafuku Japanese place
(some kinda delicious japanese nakji balls)
4) Red Mango
(pomogranate, cap'n crunch, and fruity pebbles)
5) And finally, for dinner, Yakkitori
it was a good time, fo sho.
needless to say, everything was damn delicious.
except the red mango. nothing too special about that.
went to ny to eat these culinary treats from 2pm-6:30pm. nonstop.
1) shake shack
(shack stack)
2) Crumbs Cupcakes
(from top to bottom: ryoo and his apple caramel, james and his chocolate peanut butter chip, and me with my red velvet)
3) Otafuku Japanese place
(some kinda delicious japanese nakji balls)
4) Red Mango
(pomogranate, cap'n crunch, and fruity pebbles)
5) And finally, for dinner, Yakkitori
it was a good time, fo sho.
needless to say, everything was damn delicious.
except the red mango. nothing too special about that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
