Pulled Apart

I legitimately feel like God is pulling me in like 8 different ways. like KRIPP
God is the potter and I'm the clay right? He's stretching me, and it's getting harder and harder to not fall apart. If i can endure, then in the end I feel like I really would grow immensely. however if i break, its just going to suck that much harder. Lets see, what do i have.

ok, we have my small group, to invest my time and heart. and then for me, to become a good soonjang, and be there for my kids, guide them when they need to turn to God. ok, what else, we have my mom's health in question, thats probably not gonna be a sweet experience. Thats the day before KCCC Sports Day: i just met mad kccc kids from other campuses, and compete with others in fellowship, but i cant go. Fine, thats absolutely fine, i can live with that: my mom needs me to be there for her, i can miss sports day: family comes first, I have no struggle or bitterness towards it. also i'm still struggling with something else that God is still giving me strength in. plus im still sick from like what, august 20th or something? what is it now, october 7th. oh and theres body worship.

body worship is going to be awesome to lead, I love doing body worship. but i havent led body worship before. body worship choreo doesnt come to me, my creation skills are lacking in that- i'v only learned body worship, iv never tried teaching it to others. theres only one thing that is holding me back: i have a huge feeling that im so inadequate, incompetent. How am i going to lead this group of kids that want to praise God if i dont think i can be the shepherd to guide them? Like, today at large group i saw my name in the bulletin under "committees"- Body Worship - Joe Yoo. and i remember kinda just sinking into my seat

At today's large group, Jihye Gnz said in her message, that we have to pray, and thru prayer, trust in God. Frankly speaking, I believe god has entrusted this body worship leader position into my hand because He thinks I can do it. And if god thinks something, it's definitely gonna happen, or it's the truth, one or the other. If i cant do it myself, God is going to make it happen through me. tomorrow is the first meeting, and Im just going to lift up my trust in Him.

Psalms 57:7 says "My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music."

so basically, even though im going through all this crap, im struggling with all these things, i will remain steadfast in You, God. And I can praise you, because of the trust that I commit to You. (dang, mad props to king david huh. he gets chased by all these people that want to kill him, his own stepsons want to kill him for his throne, but he trusts in God and has the joy to sing and praise God even more.)

O Lord, give me strength.