Huh. Home Sweet Home?

At first i was surprised. Then i was bitter. then i was ashamed. Now i feel gooood.

surprised.
i get a phone call, mom has to get surgery. That means i cant go to sports day, or gethsemane for the next 6-7 weeks. then i became...

bitter.
i met all these nyu, st johns, fit people over missions, got to know some of them- iv been looking forward to this since we lost last year! but ENGGG denied. now i cant jump in john lim's face after i block his spike. or knock down eric cha and reclaim my spot as chicken fight champion. haha, but that quickly passed, and then i felt, you guessed it,

ashamed.
are you seroius? am i really thinking about competition and fellowship with friends when my mom needs me? 내가 아들 이야? 완전 실망이였어. Of course i'll go home every weekend to help out. and i'll definitely do it with a happy and prayerful heart.

goood.
i'm usually not a fan of going home. i love school too much. the independence. the 'do whatever the hell i want' atmosphere. i love it. living with roommates, meeting friends late at night, random white-castle runs, etc. coming home, im confined in my house, plus its the shigol. plus i dont drive. but while i was waiting for the train home, i called my mom to tell her i was on my way. the following broke my heart.

- 엄아, 나 기차 기다리고 있어.
- o ok! 밥 먹었니?
- ...no. actually i didnt get a chance to yet.
- 아! 오캐이- 엄아가 밥줌비 해놀깨

sounds like nothing, but i suddenly got mad emotional. when i'm at school, sometimes i skip meals. simply because i dont have time to prepare stuff for myself, or theres no food, or because take out is closed. so that means i either skip, eat cheezits for meal, or order food. usually i have a box of cheezits, and usually i have no money. so if i dont eat, i eat cheezits and tolberone chocholate (cause one of my roommates bought me a huge freaking tolberone). and when my mom said she'd prepare something right away because i was hungry, i suddenly remembered what "mom" is. what "family" is. hit me like the last scene of Tae Geuk Gi.

for the first time in awhile i can say,
Home Sweet Home.